A big thank you to all who came to celebrate my mother's life at her mass and memorial service on April 29, 2010. I am certain that we surpassed my mother's expectations in honoring her. The service was exactly as she wished and it was in one word - perfect.
Holy Spirit's Father Carlos Velazquez so lovingly brought us comfort through his thoughtful words and Letty Spain shared her beautiful voice with us throughout the mass. She had us all in tears with her Ave Maria - a song that my mother chose for her service and loved so much. All those who shared remarks of remembrance perfectly captured exactly who my mother was, and the legacy that will live on in our hearts forever.
As a tribute to my mother, I have decided to post the eulogy that I delievered for her at the service. Her legacy as a mother is profound and inspirational beyond measure. For that reason, I think it's worth sharing...
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Celebrating the Life of my Mother Suzanne
delivered at her Mass and Memorial Service - April 29, 2010
Hello my name is Lauren and I’m Suzanne’s oldest daughter. On behalf of my mom’s husband Ray, my brother Christopher, my sisters Becky, Ashley and Mandy and my husband Cris, we would like to thank you for coming today to celebrate the life of my mother Suzanne.
Before I speak about my mother, I would like to take a moment to say thank you to those that have been an instrumental in supporting my family throughout the last few years and especially during our most difficult times.
Father Carlos – You’ve been part of our lives for over 18 years serving as our spiritual mentor and friend. My mother was so grateful for the guidance and comfort you provided her especially in her times of worry and uncertainty. For that, we thank you and we appreciate your help in celebrating my mother’s life today.
Letty Spain – You are such a beautiful vocalist and we thank you for sharing your voice with us today.
To Ann, Velia and the people of Pasteur Plaza Surgery Center who worked with my mom - you all witnessed her struggles first hand and never hesitated to lend a helping hand when she needed it the most. My mother was deeply humbled by your generosity demonstrated over and over and over again throughout the years. You all donated hundreds of hours of vacation time so my mother could keep her medical benefits when she could no longer go to work. The thought of this often brought her to tears. Words could never express how grateful she was for your generosity and how grateful we are as a family that you lifted so many burdens in our time of need. You will always hold a special place in our hearts.
To Dr. Fred Massey, his nurse Jo Ann and all of the staff at Dr. Massey’s office – You always treated my mother with dignity and respect and while she didn’t necessarily love coming to your office, she always knew that she was in good hands once she arrived. And Dr. Massey, my mother always found great joy in conquering your serious nature. It was her mission to make you laugh every time she saw you and from the stories I’ve heard I think she did a pretty good job.
To My mom’s best friend Norma – I love you and my family loves you from the bottom of our hearts. You sacrificed countless hours with your own family to become part of ours. We would not have been able to function without your presence. Thank you for helping us organize this beautiful service today, thank you for all of the cooking and cleaning you have done for Ray and the girls over the last few months and most importantly thank you for making my mother laugh when no one else could. We love you dearly.
To my husband and the Lara family –It is because of you that I was able to spend countless days with my mother. Time that was and will always be so precious to me. I will never ever forget your generosity and I love all of you very much.
To my family and to Ray’s family - A big thank you to all of you for also helping us organize this service for my mother today. We couldn’t have done it without you. And more importantly, thank you for also helping to take care of my mom, Ray and my sisters over the last few months. You will always be remembered as the ones who helped to make a very difficult time a lot less so.
And finally to everyone who brought over meals, took care of my children so I could be with my mother, gave my sisters rides to and from school, sent my mom positive messages and said countless prayers in our times of need, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your unending support.
My mother Suzanne was born on June 1, 1954 to Blanche and Gerald Kuykendall. She was the fifth child in her family of eight children which includes Junior, Michael, Priscilla, Sylvia, Hardy, Jeff and Andy.
She was a student at St. Anne’s Catholic School, Blessed Sacrament School and she graduated from Robert E Lee HS in 1972.
In a family where there was plenty of height to go around, Susie only reached a modest 5 feet 4 inches. The shortest in her family. But her size was no indication of her strength, her vigor, her energy, her ability to hold her own. As a child my blond-haired, green-eyed mother craved the sunshine. She spent endless hours outdoors… and for this reason she was always the most tan in the family. Mom’s siblings say as a child she was feisty, she was fun, she loved to laugh, and her imagination was unlike any other in the family. She loved roller derby, she loved all sports and she had no problem keeping up with her brothers… all 5 of them.
In mom’s 20’s she began to really explore who she was and what she loved. She always loved music and wanted to play an instrument so she took piano lessons. She loved theater so she took acting lessons. And perhaps the biggest highlight of her 20’s, in my humble opinion was giving birth to me and my brother Christopher. It was also during this time that she established her career in the health care field. Establishing this career meant the formation of a work ethic which mirrored that of her mother Blanche. Day after day, and into her 30s she went to work, she came home and prepared us home cooked meals, she helped us with our homework and she stayed up late every night maintaining our house and trying to sneak in a little time for herself. Because our weekdays were filled with work and school, work and school I’d say it was perhaps on the weekends when some of her greatest lessons were taught.
I happen to have 3 personal favorites.
Lesson 1 – Love God first, be a good Christian and proclaim God’s word with passion. This lesson was conveyed to us in not just in words but more so ACTIONS growing up. As a child mom would take my brother and I to church Sunday after Sunday. She was always involved in one way or another whether it be as a Lector, Eucharistic Minister an RCIA sponsor, or a CCD teacher. And during Sunday mass, she would deliver the readings with enthusiasm and heart. As a child I thought her delivery was a little intense, but as I grew older I knew it was because she had such a passion for the message she was conveying. She laid the foundation for our Christian beliefs – a gift from her I cherish most.
Moving on to the next big lesson - Lesson 2: If you want something done, simply do it yourself. Her method of teaching us this lesson was well, a little extreme but it worked. Lesson learned mom. At seven years old, we lived in a rental house across the street from my Grandmother’s and my mother decided that the exterior of the house was looking a little worn and needed to be repainted. So on one particular weekend after getting permission from the owner, she didn’t hire professionals, she didn’t ask for help, she just bought the paint and painted the entire outside of our house all by herself. Just another typical weekend in our house.
Perhaps the lesson that she loved to teach us most was that of Lesson 3 - The physical body can do much if your mental capacity says so. In other words toughen up, or suck it up! And as I’ve gotten older I’ve decided that tough by mom’s standards is probably a little different than most. Tough meant taking hikes in the middle of the Texas summer heat throughout Eisenhower Park for exercise and fun. I have vivid memories of my brother and I as small children sweating and breathing heavy and being overly parched and falling on the rocks and maybe even shedding a few tears as we endured these hikes… but she pushed us forward for what felt like forever. When you think about it, it was a pretty clever method to teach us this lesson I’d say… I mean, where could we go? We were in the middle of a trail, in the middle of the park and we had to get back to our car somehow, right? Just keep going. Must keep walking.
And another lesson about being tough - it’s okay to be the only third grade girl on an all boys soccer team. I can remember playing a soccer game on a field filled with stickers (you know, the ones that hurt!) and I had been pushed down by another player. As I’m laying there face planted into the ground, for sure experiencing the worst pain I’d ever felt in my whole life, I was certain that my mom was on her way to the field to help me stand up. But nope. Instead of helping me up, she just yelled from the sidelines, “get up Lauren.” “You’re fine!” I wasn’t fine but I collected every ounce of “suck it up” attitude that my mom had been teaching me for a whole 8 years of life and little by little I picked myself up off of the field. And while it may have been a little harsh, I guess there are few better ways to teach a child that if you fall down, get back up and keep going. So I did. In pain. Thanks mom.
Her lessons have resonated with me throughout my childhood and into my adulthood and new memories were made as I witnessed the additions of Ray, Rebecca, Ashley and Mandy into our family. All of you stimulated sides of my mother that made her truly who she was meant to be. I think it's important to highlight how you all have done so.
I’ll start with Ray - My fondest memories and stories about my mom and Ray involve how much they loved to watch and critique movies together and how they argued over who got to read which portion of the newspaper first… which was usually the Star. They would take turns reading the newest Michael Crichton novel or any one of my mom’s other 15 favorite authors. And I was always impressed how you two could read 800 page novels in basically about two days.
Perhaps the best stories come from any given day in which they decided to play Scrabble, or Trivial Pursuit , the Wii or a game of Washers together at Rose and Johns house! You see, to say my mom was competitive is sort of an understatement. To say that Ray is competitive is sort of an understatement. The truth is, that even when I was 10, my mother wouldn’t let me win at a game of Connect Four. So Ray didn’t stand a chance. But I digress. Ray, thank you for enlightening my mom by letting her be the true competitor that she was, making her laugh unlike any other and taking the blame when the Spurs lost, even if it was never your fault at all.
To Becky - you possess so many qualities of mom but perhaps the most endearing is your ability to love unconditionally and your ability to not sweat the small stuff. You keep things simple just like mom and accept people just as they are. I loved how mom and you and Ashley and Mandy all loved to watch your favorite movies together like Pride and Prejudice, and the original Romeo and Juliet and how you all sang together at the top of your lungs with any given Dixie Chicks or Kelly Clarkson song on the radio. Mom always raved about how thoughtful of a child you were and continue to be and I thank you for making her so proud.
To Ashley - I will forever have a vision of you attached to mom’s leg etched into my mind. I know how much you loved to hold on to her leg and as you grew older how much you loved wrapping your arms around her and taking in her smell. You look the most like mom and because of this, I think she thought she could make you do any of the things that she never got to do as a child. As you well know her favorite one of these “forced activities” was making you play the violin. But lo and behold after three short years you become one of the best in the city. And of course mom would take all the credit for this. Ashley, listening to you play the violin brought mom so much joy. Thank you for enlightening her in this way.
To Mandy - my mom loved you like one of her own. Thank you for calling her the “pretty lady” and always bringing my mom many gifts of jewelry that you had made for her. Mom always told me that you were the most polite in the household and she was always impressed with your manners.
To all of my sisters, to my niece Chloe and to my children Benjamin and Madeline, I always will do my best to continue sharing the stories that defined mom’s extraordinary legacy for as long as I live.
And for my mother who I’m can certain can hear me now, I want you to know that you were everything to me for the 30 years of my life that I was fortunate enough to spend with you. You gave me everything and held nothing back. God truly blessed me by making me your daughter. I love you and look forward to our next journey together.
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I'll be writing more later today or tomorrow about what's been happening with me over the last few weeks and how I intend to honor my mother's legacy going forward in my life.
God bless!
Lauren
